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Question: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class?
Answer: Because he was trying to see if his son was in his class.
 

¡°It¡¯s no good, sir,¡± said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher, ¡®I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other.¡±
¡°Goes in both ears and out the other?¡± asked the puzzled teacher, ¡°but you only have two ears, son.¡±
¡°You see, sir,¡± I¡¯m no good at math, either!¡±
 

An elementary school teacher decides to pole the class on the difficulty of last night¡¯s homework assignment:

How many people were able to complete the assignment without parents help?
About 25% of the class raises their hands. How many people we able to complete the assignment with the help of a parent? About 70% of the class raises their hand. The teacher still notices about 5% of the class did not raise their hands. She then calls out, "How many people had to help a parent complete your assignment?

 

An elementary school teacher, well versed in educational jargon, asked for a small allotment of money for ¡°behavior modification reinforces.¡±
Her superior saw the item and asked, ¡°What in heaven¡¯s name is that?¡¯
¡°Lollipops,¡± the teacher explained
 

¡°What would you like to be when you grow up Tommy?¡±
¡°I¡¯d like to be a teacher, sir.¡±
¡°Would you, indeed? And why would you like to be a teacher?¡±
¡°Cause I wouldn¡¯t have to do any more learning ¨C I¡¯d know everything by then!¡±
 

Teacher: Today is the first day of the school, any questions?
John: Yes, when will the Holidays start?
 

Teacher: If you had 20p in one trouser pocket and 60p in the other, what do you have?
Pupil: Someone else¡¯s trousers, miss.
 

A man walked up to a school and said "can you teach me to reed and write"
The administrator said, "Yes we can, just fill out this form
 

The teacher was warning the class about the dangers of going to in cold weather insufficiently clad. ¡°There was one a boy,¡± he said, ¡°who was so eager to go out and play with his sled that he didn¡¯t put a coat or scarf on; he caught a chill, the chill led to pneumonia and he died!¡±

The teacher paused to allow the moral of this story to sink in, when a small voice said, ¡°What happened to the sled ¡­.?¡±
 

In chemistry class the subject was "oxidation - reduction.¡± The teacher was really excited and after the lesson asked the students in a very loud voice, ¡°now tell me where is the electron? Where is it?" a drowsy student jumps up at this and shouts "o.k." Nobody moves. Sir, shut the door. We can still catch the thief"
 

Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?¡±
¡°Huge hands, sir.¡±
 

¡°Alfred, if I had 20 marbles in my right pants pocket, 20 marbles in my left pants pocket, 40 marbles in my right hip pocket and 40 marbles in may left hip pocket ¨C what would I have?¡±
¡°Heavy pants, sir!¡±

¡°How are you getting on with your exams?¡±
¡°Not bad. The questions are easy enough ¨C it¡¯s the answers I have trouble with!¡±
 

Mrs. Smith, I ain¡¯t got no crayons.
Young man, you mean, I don¡¯t have any crayons.
You don¡¯t have any crayons. We don¡¯t have any crayons.
They don¡¯t have any crayons.
Do you see what I¡¯m getting at?
I think so. What happened to all the crayons?
 

TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!