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Earl and Bob, both obsessed
with baseball, never missed their favorite team¡¯s game. They promised,
whoever died first, and went to heaven, would come back to earth and
tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One day, Earl died. Bob
waited for him to come back. Finally Earl did. He said to Bob. "I have
good news and bad news. I'll tell you the good news first. There is
baseball in heaven." Bob said, "That¡¯s the best news!" Then Earl said,
time for the bad news....¡±You're pitching tomorrow night."
While sports fishing off the Florida
coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of
alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old
beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any
gators around here?"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothing,'" the beachcomber said.
"Wow," said the tourist.
The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em."
A young man, who was also an avid golfer, found himself
with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured that if he hurried
and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head
home. Just as he was about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffled onto
the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing
alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old man to join him.
To his surprise, the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the
ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself
with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his
ball and directly between his ball and the green. After several minutes
of debating how to hit the shot, the old man finally said, "You know,
when I was your age, I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the
ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back
on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age,
that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."
John received a free ticket to the Super
Bowl. Unfortunately. John's seat was in the last row in the corner of
the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the stadium. He
noticed an empty seat 10 rows up from the 50-yard line. He decides to
make his way to the empty seat. As he sits down he asks the men next to
him if anyone is sitting there. The man told him no, it was empty. John
is very excited to have a seat like this at a Super Bowl and asks why in
the world no one is using it? The man replied that it was his wife's
seat but she passed away. He said this was the first Super Bowl that
they have not attended together since they were married in 1968. John
said that it was really sad and asked if he couldn't find someone, a
relative or a close friend to take the seat?
"No" replied the man, "They're at her funeral!"
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