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A ISRAELI SOLDIER was sitting in a Base when he hears over a dune the voice of one HIZBALLAH  SOLDIER: "One HIZBALLAH solider is better then 10 Israeli fighters" so the ISRAELI OFFICER  angry sent over ten of his high-ranking soldiers. After a lot of gun fire and yelling and screams of agony the Israeli OFFICER heard the voice again. "One Hizballah solider is better then 100 Israeli fighters" So the Israeli OFFICER   sends over 100 of his highest ranked soldiers sure of victory. After a lot of gun fire and yelling and screams of agony the Israeli OFFICER   heard the voice again. "One HIZBALLAH solider is better then 1000 Israeli fighters" So the Israeli OFFICER  sent his toughest, meanest, over the dune. After hundreds of bullets fired, and explosions and the screaming and crying, it was over. The Israeli OFFICER   now wondering what happened goes over the dune where he finds a wounded Israeli solider who says "don't send anymore men it's really a trap there is really two of them!"

mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?"
"Yes, sir," answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram. Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, men, fall in and listen up. Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward -- NOT SO FAST, McGRATH!"

One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
 

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.
The CO says "Are you crazy? You just join the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!" So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he asked
"How did you do it?"
"Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, "Do you want to get a three-day pass? So we exchanged tanks!"