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One day a man found an
odd-looking lamp and rubbed it. From inside came a genie that told him
he would get three wishes, but whatever he wishes for, his mother-in-law
gets double of what he gets.
"What would you like for your first wish?" asked the genie.
"I want one billion dollars," replies the man.
"Remember," says the genie, "your mother-in-law gets double of what you
get."
"I know," replied the man.
The man then chooses his second wish, "I wish I had a brand new sports
car." So he gets his second wish and he's very content.
"Your mother-in-law gets double what you get, now what would you like
for your third wish?" asks the genie.
The man ponders for a moment, then answers, "I wish to be beaten half to
death."
At an entrance:
Woman: Did you open the door for me because I am a lady?
Man: No, I did because I am a gentleman.
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old
lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie
said, "OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the
fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so
you can forget about three. You only get one wish!" The man sat and
thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to
Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me
a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie
laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that!
How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of
how much concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another
wish." The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.
Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives
always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that
I could understand women....know how they feel inside and what they're
thinking when they give me the silent treatment....know why they're
crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'....know how
to make them truly happy...."
The genie asked, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"
A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks, "What
will it be?"
The man replied "a burger and a coke." "And you?" "I'll have the same,"
the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay. "That will be
$4.50," The man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact amount.
They do this every day till Fri.
"The usual?" she asked. "No, today is Friday. I'll have steak and a
coke."
"Me too." says the ostrich. They finish and pay. "That will be $10.95"
The man reached in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all
week.
The waitress was dumb-founded. "How is it that you always have the exact
amount?"
"Well," says the man. "I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp.
I rubbed it and a genie appeared." Wow!" said the waitress. "What did
you wish for?"
"I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would
appear in my pocket." "Amazing! Most people would ask for a million
dollars. But what's with the ostrich?" "Well," said the man. "I also
asked for a chick with long legs."
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