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A pregnant woman gets into a
car accident and falls into a deep coma.
Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no
longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.
The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies
are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!"
Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's
name?"
"Denise," the doctor says.
The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong
about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the
boy's name?"
The doctor replies, DeNephew.
His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many
TV, adds, just to make conversation. Johnny, if you found a couple of
dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?”
“A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.
“Tampax?” said the doctor. “What would you do with that?”
“Well,” said Johnny, “I do not know exactly, but it’s sure worth two
dollars.
With tampax, it says on TV, you can go swimming, go horseback riding,
and also go skating, any time you want to.”
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while
they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped
into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly
jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now
considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news
he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're
being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the
life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad
news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt
in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor."You have to help me, I hurt
all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more
specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow,
that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch!
That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT
hurts", she cried. The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and
told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."
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