Once-upon-a-time, there was a very big fish,
named Bob. Bob was the largest fish in the pond, but he wanted to be even
bigger. Day and night, he would obsess about it.
One day, he was out catching flies for dinner.
He managed to catch a really humungus fly that was about the size of a golf
ball. Before he could swallow it though, the big fly begged and pleaded for
his life. The Fly promised Bob a magic wish if he would spare his life.
Bob was a little suspicious at first. He was
also very hesitant about giving up the largest fly he had seen since the
nuclear power plant had moved in. Bob thought about it for a while, but the
more he thought about, the more he wanted that magic wish. He was hungry, but
more than anything else on this planet, he wanted to be huge.
Finally he decided to take the magic wish. The
fly looked at him and said "Name your wish fish!".
"I want to be huge, really, really huge. I want
to be bigger than any fish that ever lived." Bob said to the fly.
"That's really stupid" the fly said to him.
Bob looked at the fly and said "Hey asshole, are
you gonna give me the wish or not?"
"I sure am." the fly said, and with that Bob
started to grow. He grew and grew and grew until he was so large that he
couldn't fit in the pond anymore. Bob flailed and gasped for water, but he was
beached, and after a while he died.
The people fishing in their boats, the people
standing on the banks of the pond, and the people who had stopped their cars
on the highway, all stared in awe and wonder at this big stupid fish that was
stuck on the side of the pond.
The mayor called a town meeting to decide what
to do with the big fish, but members of a nearby cult came by later and
claimed that the big fish had been promised to them by God. After some
negotiations, a large fish barbecue was arranged, and everybody had a
wonderful time, except Bob, who was of course eaten.
