Day 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects.  They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal.  The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape -- that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their furniture. 

I fear I may be going insane.  Yesterday, I ate a houseplant. Tomorrow I may eat another.
 

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